If you are not feeding me, fucking me, or financing me.
Then your opinions really don't matter.
Then your opinions really don't matter.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Monday, 16 December 2013
Naughty kid .. !!
Little Johnny Came Down For Breakfast One Morning And Asked His Grandma.
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Up In Bed”
So The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And Ate His Breakfast And Went Out To Play.
Then He Came Back In For Lunch And Asked His Grandma.
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”
And The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And He Ate His Lunch And Went Out To Play.
Then The Little Johnny Came In For Dinner And Once Again He Asked His Grandma.
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”
And The Little Johnny Started To Laugh And His Grandmother Asked.
Grandmother: “What Give’s? Every Time I Tell You They’re Still Up In Bed You Start To Laugh! What Is Going On Here? ”
The Little Johnny Replied: “Well Last Night Daddy Came Into My Bedroom And Asked Me For The Vaseline And I Gave Him Super Glue Instead“
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Up In Bed”
So The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And Ate His Breakfast And Went Out To Play.
Then He Came Back In For Lunch And Asked His Grandma.
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”
And The Little Johnny Started To Giggle And He Ate His Lunch And Went Out To Play.
Then The Little Johnny Came In For Dinner And Once Again He Asked His Grandma.
Little Johnny: “Where’s Mom And Dad?”
Grandma Replied: “They’re Still Up In Bed”
And The Little Johnny Started To Laugh And His Grandmother Asked.
Grandmother: “What Give’s? Every Time I Tell You They’re Still Up In Bed You Start To Laugh! What Is Going On Here? ”
The Little Johnny Replied: “Well Last Night Daddy Came Into My Bedroom And Asked Me For The Vaseline And I Gave Him Super Glue Instead“
Crazy bitch
Behind every crazy bitch, is just a sweet girl who go tired of the bullshit.. !!
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Stranger asking for a push..!!
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and
looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at
this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes
downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the
homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three.
I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what
happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down
in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on
that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get
lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help
him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the
door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a
push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger
replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at
this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows.
"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes
downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the
homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??" "No, get lost. It's half past three.
I was in bed," says the man and slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what
happened and she says, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down
in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on
that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get
lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the right thing to help
him." So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed and goes downstairs. He opens the
door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a
push??" And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."
So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?" And the stranger
replies, "I'm over here, on your swing."
Class.. !!
Class is knowing what to say, when to say it, and when to stop it,
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Fucking facts.. !!
1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.
5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.
6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.
Sunday, 15 December 2013
My balls are bigger than yours
Having a vagina does not stop me from believing the fact that my balls are bigger than your.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Unused Instrument of Father !!
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”
“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”
“Of course you may. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid that they’ll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”
“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”
“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”
“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”
“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, “God bless you, Father, go ahead.”
You don't deserve a sandwich..
If I am still able to walk to the kitchen after sex..
You don't deserve a fucking sandwich..
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~~ Sarcastic Bad bitchess ~~~
You don't deserve a fucking sandwich..
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~~ Sarcastic Bad bitchess ~~~
A little kid..
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
You have to be smart..!!
If you're going to be a smart Ass. First you have to be smart.
Otherwise you are just an Ass..
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Otherwise you are just an Ass..
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Why parents drink !!
A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialled the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!!:)
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers,he dialled the employee's cell phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello."
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," the whisper answered.
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter." answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the helicopter."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle. "ME.!!:)
Sometimes, being a bitch is all a woman wants
Sometimes, being a bitch is all a woman has to hold on to..
Well, I am going to hold on light and if you don't like my attitude , then
FUCK OFF - I don't give a shit.. !!
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Well, I am going to hold on light and if you don't like my attitude , then
FUCK OFF - I don't give a shit.. !!
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Is there anything else that your doesn't use ??
The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Doing Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.
She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”
Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”
She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”
And The Husband Began –
Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.
She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.
I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.
So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.
Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.
Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.
I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.
I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.
The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,
“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use?“
She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”
Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”
She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”
And The Husband Began –
Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.
She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.
I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.
So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.
Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.
Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.
I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.
I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.
The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,
“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use?“
I like to surround myself with people.
I like to surround myself with people who share in my inappropriate comments, sarcasm, and random shenanigans.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic.
Things not to say during S*X.. !!
- I have to poop.
- Smile for the camera.
- Get off me, I will do it myself.
- This is your first time.. right ??
- You're almost as good as my Ex..!!
- When is this supposed to feel good ?
- I thought YOU had the keys to handcuffs??!!
- I was so horny tonight, I would have take a sheep home.
- Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.
- Hey!! My friends were right, You are good !!
- One second thought, lets turn the lights off.
- I am sobering up and you are getting ugly.
- But everybody looks funny Naked!!
- Do I have to pay for this ?
- No !! you are too fat to be on top, You'd kill me.
- Actually, your sister "likes" it like this.
- What's your name again ??
- Hold on, let me change the channel.
- Its nice having in bed with someone I don't have to inflate.
Saturday, 14 December 2013
Heaven is never too far..!!
Her hair was up in a ponytail
Her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
And she couldn't wait to go.
But her mommy tried to tell her,
That she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
If she went to school alone.
But she was not afraid;
She knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
Of why he wasn't there today.
But still her mother worried,
For her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
She tried to keep her daughter home.
But the little girl went to school,
Eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees
A dad who never calls.
There were daddies along the wall in back,
For everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently,
Anxious in their seats.
One by one the teacher called,
A student from the class.
To introduce their daddy,
As seconds slowly passed.
At last the teacher called her name,
Every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching,
For a man who wasn't there.
"Where's her daddy at?"
She heard a boy call out.
"She probably doesn't have one,"
Another student dared to shout.
And from somewhere near the back,
She heard a daddy say,
"Looks like another deadbeat dad,
Too busy to waste his day."
The words did not offend her,
As she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher,
Who told her to go on.
And with hands behind her back,
Slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child,
Came words incredibly unique.
"My Daddy couldn't be here,
Because he lives so far away."
But I know he wishes he could be,
Since this is such a special day.
And though you cannot meet him,
I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy,
And how much he loves me so.
He loved to tell me stories
He taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses,
And taught me to fly a kite.
We used to share fudge sundaes,
And ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him,
I'm not standing here alone.
"Cause my daddy's always with me,
Even though we are apart
I know because he told me,
He'll forever be in my heart"
With that, her little hand reached up,
And lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat,
Beneath her favorite dress.
And from somewhere in the crowd of dads,
Her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter,
Who was wise beyond her years.
For she stood up for the love
Of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her,
Doing what was right.
And when she dropped her hand back down,
Staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft,
But its message clear and loud.
"I love my daddy very much,
He's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here,
But heaven's just too far."
You see he was a fireman
And died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers
And taught Americans to fear.
But sometimes when I close my eyes,
"It's like he never went away."
And then she closed her eyes,
And saw him there that day.
And to her mother's amazement,
She witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children,
All starting to close their eyes.
Who knows what they saw before them,
Who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second,
They saw him at her side.
"I know you're with me Daddy,"
To the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers,
Of those once filled with doubt.
Not one in that room could explain it,
For each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her,
Was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.
And a child was blessed, if only for a moment,
By the love of her shining bright star.
And given the gift of believing,
That heaven is never too far
Friday, 13 December 2013
Drama is not important !!
A real woman avoids drama. She knows her time is very precious and she is not wasting it on anybody.. That's not important.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
How to shower like a Woman and a Man .. !!
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.
I have an attitude !!
I have an attitude , Because I will never deal with you bullshit, sweetheart !!
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Little Johny once again !!
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
The Teacher fainted.
Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"
When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Savior," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ****!"
The Teacher fainted.
Chin up !!
Chin up, shoulders back, wipe those tears, get on track.. Smile ;) Wink and then tell them to kiss your fucking ass..
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Grand pa and Grand Son .. !!
A five year old boy and his grandfather are sitting on the front porch
together, when grandpa pulls a beer out of a cooler. the little boy asked,
"Grandpa, can I have a beer?" Grandpa replied, "Can your dick touch your
ass?"
The little boy answered no.
Grandpa said "Then you're not man enough to have a beer."
A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asked, "Grandpa,
can I have a cigar?" Once again, Grandpa asked, "Can your dick touch your
ass?" The little boy answered no, again. Grandpa said, "Then your not man
enough to have a cigar." A little later, the little boy came out of the
house With a cookie.
Grandpa asked, "Can I have a cookie?"
The boy asked "Can your dick touch your ass?"
Grandpa replied, "Hell yeah my dick can touch my ass!" The boy replied,
"Then go fuck yourself, Grandma made these cookies for me."
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Bitchology..!!
Yes, I am a woman. I push doors that clearly says PULL. I laugh harder when I try to explain why I am laughing. I walk into a room and forgets why I was there. I count on my fingers in maths. I hide the pain from my loved ones. I say it is a long story when it is really not. I cry a lot more than you think I do. I care about people who don't care about me. I try to do the things before the microwave beeps. I listen to you even when you don't listen to me. And a hug will always help. Yes I am a woman.. !!
Re-post if you are proud to be one.
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Re-post if you are proud to be one.
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
You fuck her again .. !!
An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life." "Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, two retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You fuck her again."
I was a little girl.
I was a good little girl.. But then there were boys. And I got tired of being screwed over .. So I became a BITCH.. !!
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and oured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,'said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents.
Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.There will always be time to clean the house and fix the
disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full.They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and oured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes'.
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,'said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff.
'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents.Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18.There will always be time to clean the house and fix thedisposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented.
The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend
Your stupid ass isn't worth of my Time.
When I shut my mouth and turn to walk away, it doesn't mean you've won.
It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth any more of my TIME.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
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It simply means your stupid ass isn't worth any more of my TIME.
~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
www.facebook.com/getsarcastic
Sunday, 8 December 2013
Weight loss.. !!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The next day,
there’s a knock on the door and
there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old
babe dressed in nothing but a
pair of Nike running shoes and
a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight
loss company. The sign reads,
“If you can catch me, you can
have me.”
Without a second thought, he
takes off after her. A few miles
later puffing and puffing, he
finally gives up. The same girl
shows up for the next four days
and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs
himself and is delighted to find
he has lost 5kg as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10kg program. The next day there’s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, “If
you catch me you can have me”. Well, he’s out the door after
her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for
the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and
better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10kg as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
7-day/25kg program. “Are you sure?” asks the representative on the phone.
“This is our most rigorous program.” “Absolutely,” he replies, “I haven’t felt this good
in years.” The next day there’s a knock at the door; and when he opens it
he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a
sign around his neck that reads,
“If I catch you, you are mine.”
He lost 33 kilos that week.
Friday, 6 December 2013
An old little lady, bank president and his balls..
A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to
speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The
reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash
on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash,
so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I
make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman
said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!"
laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The
old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the
president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay,
but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me
tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That
night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her
lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president
agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could
all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and
then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot
of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the
lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What
wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at
10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"
speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money!" The
reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office. The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash
on his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash,
so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?" The old lady replied, "I
make bets." The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old woman
said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square." "Ha!"
laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!" The
old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the
president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!" The old lady said, "Okay,
but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me
tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!" replied the confident president. That
night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her
lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and
repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!" The president
agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could
all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and
then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot
of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the
lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president said, "What
wrong with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at
10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand!"
Not everyone pays for the johnson..
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now
and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath.
Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $50 bills
falling Out of that bag.”
“Oh, rats! Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer..”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that
money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my yard is right next to the
baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee
through a hole in the fence, right into my garden. It used to really
annoy me and kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not
make the most of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the
fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my shears. Every time some
guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him, Grab hold of
it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your Johnson!”
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well, you know”, said the little old lady, “not everybody pays”
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every now
and then, a $50 bill fell out onto the footpath.
Noticing this, a cop stopped her, and said, “Ma’am, there are $50 bills
falling Out of that bag.”
“Oh, rats! Darn it!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back and
see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer..”
“Well, now, not so fast,” said the cop. “Where did you get all that
money? You didn’t steal it, did you?”
“Oh, no, no”, said the old lady. “You see, my yard is right next to the
baseball stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee
through a hole in the fence, right into my garden. It used to really
annoy me and kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, ‘why not
make the most of it?’ So, now, on game days, I stand behind the
fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my shears. Every time some
guy sticks his dingus through my fence, I surprise him, Grab hold of
it and say, ‘O.K., buddy! Give me $50, or I cut off your Johnson!”
“Well, that seems only fair,” said the cop, laughing. “OK. Good luck!
Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?”
“Well, you know”, said the little old lady, “not everybody pays”
Vagina .. !!
A woman is at home when she hears someone knock at the door.She goes to the door and opens the door to see a man standing there.
He asks the lady, ‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, ‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.’
The next morning they hear a knock and both
run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered
voice, ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.’ She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;
‘Do you have a vagina?’
‘Yes, actually I do,’ she says.
The man replies..
‘Good! Would you mind telling your husband
to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours?’
He asks the lady, ‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door in disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door and it is the same man and he asks the same question of the woman, ‘Do you have a vagina?’
She slams the door again.
Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving and concerned voice ‘Honey, I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in case this guy shows up again.’
The next morning they hear a knock and both
run for the door. The husband says to the wife in a whispered
voice, ‘Honey, I’m going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to see where the bastard is going with it.’ She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same question;
‘Do you have a vagina?’
‘Yes, actually I do,’ she says.
The man replies..
‘Good! Would you mind telling your husband
to leave my wife’s alone and start using yours?’
Yes !! I am a bitch
Some people call me a trouble maker. Wrong, I am a bitch who speaks the truth and won't put up with your shit !!
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Do you smoke ?
Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: $10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost $10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at $900. In one year, it would be $10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where’s your fucking Ferrari then..
Lady: If in 1 year you spend $10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at $162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn’t smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where’s your fucking Ferrari then..
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Bitches Be Like ;)
Only men need to be loved, sweetheart. Bitches need to be wanted ;)
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
How to get the police to your house quickly
How to get the police to your house quickly
ROUND LIKE A SHOT
36 year old, Tony Gladstone was on his way to bed
one night when he noticed people in his shed, stealing. He called the police who told him there were no units in the area but that they would get someone out as soon as possible. He hung up but called back a minute later. “Hello, I rang a few minutes ago to say that there were people in my shed. I just wanted to let you know that there’s no need to hurry anymore, I’ve shot them.” Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars, including an armed response unit and a helicopter! The police caught the burglars red handed. One of the officers remarked to Mr Gladstone,
one night when he noticed people in his shed, stealing. He called the police who told him there were no units in the area but that they would get someone out as soon as possible. He hung up but called back a minute later. “Hello, I rang a few minutes ago to say that there were people in my shed. I just wanted to let you know that there’s no need to hurry anymore, I’ve shot them.” Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars, including an armed response unit and a helicopter! The police caught the burglars red handed. One of the officers remarked to Mr Gladstone,
“I thought you said that you’d shot them.” “I thought you said you had nobody in the area,” he retorted
Nail polish gives us strength..
The only time a woman is helpless is when her nail polish is drying
Othen than watch out.
Othen than watch out.
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~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess ~~
Three blondes.. !!
Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Texas Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So y'all want to be cops, huh?"The blondes all nodded.
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The detective got up, opened a file drawer, and pulled out a folder.
Sitting back down, he opened it, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities like scars and so forth."
So he stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "did you notice any distinguishing features about this man?"
The blonde immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture! It's a side profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back, and said,"What about you? Notice anything unusual or Outstanding about this man?"
"Yes! He only has one ear!"
The detective put his head in his hands and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is side picture profile of the man's face! Of course you can only see one ear! You're excused too!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He flashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right, did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual features about this man?"
The blonde said, "I sure did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the blonde with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the world could you tell that by looking at his picture?"
The blonde rolled her eyes and said, "Well, Hellooooooooooooo! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Fu*king sayings with morals..
#...Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself..
Moral: In life no one helps you, once you're fucked.
#...Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
#...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
#...3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
#...Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
#...Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life.......
According To William Sexpear ( shakespeare ) A Drunk Guy Is A Liability, But A Drunk Girl Is An Asset.
Moral: In life no one helps you, once you're fucked.
#...Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
#...What is the difference between frustration and satisfaction? What the Fuck! and What a Fuck!
#...3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
#...Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.
#...Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life.......
According To William Sexpear ( shakespeare ) A Drunk Guy Is A Liability, But A Drunk Girl Is An Asset.
Bitch group..
When a bitch don't like you, they join up with other bitches that don't you..
And before you know, where you are, is a hating group of bitches that don' like you.. Funny part is, They don't like each other.. But they have one thing in common.. And that is
YOU
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~~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess~~
YOU
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~~~ Sarcastic Bad Bitchess~~
Men will be Men.
Two Women were chatting in office..
Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??
Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??
Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
Woman 1:"I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??
Woman 2:"It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
Woman 1:"Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:"How was your evening.. ??
Husband 2:"Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
Husband 1:"It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn't had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
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